Friday, June 25, 2004 ; 2:59 AMY
do not judge a book by its cover... things may not be the way it seems...
exam in 2hrs... gotta study...~~~
PS. Welcome bk Rob... will c u on Sunday if u come visit... if not, gimme a call! =)
Monday, June 21, 2004 ; 2:40 AMY
I need to fix my comp.. desperately.. anyone gd with comps? or should I just get soemone in to fix it and give him $$$?! man.. technology~~~
I sulked all thru Friday cos my boy rejected to having dinner with me that night... so I spent the day at uni doing my assignment.. and then went home and just lounged around... then on Saturday my boy didn't pick me up till 1:30pm.. >< we went to lunch.. shopped around Towers... visited Leeshie =) Had dinner at HK Cafe... Ivan was there... keke, he's so cute, perved on him all night... wahaha~~~ he even gave me a discount... hehe~ and then my boy and I drove to the park and we had a loooong talk abt things... spent like an hr and a half there just chatting... (yes, just chatting!!!) we talked abt how we felt.. what's bn happening... but I felt that we were only talking cos I sent him a billion emails complaining and sulking..~~~ but yeh, i guess be satisfied with what u get heh?! ><" we didn't really work nething out... other than the fact that he has to get his life sorted first so he doesn't take it out on me all the time.. so I guess it's up to him... even though it takes two to tango~ but yeh, I guess all I can do is wait and see if things change.. if not, then... go thru the cycle again! until one day i finally come to realisation that I've had enuff and jet...~
Yesterday was a great day (Sunday).. had an awesome time at work cos our supervisor was hung over and was throwing up like every half hr or so... hehe... so we bludged throughout the day and bought heaps of chocolate and boost juices =) When we closed we were doing cartwheels and handstands in the store... and then we locked our supervisor in the store cos she was taking too long to come outta the staff room. haha...~~~ so funny... so it was an awesome day at work... then I got home and changed for vball... my boy came and was outside the house for a while till he finally came in.. thought he had a surprise for me.. but nope..~ >< so dissappointed... I thought he finally got me a bday pressie... but when he dropped me off and just drove home I knew there was no surprise or pressie... =( *sob* and yes, he still owes me a bday pressie... he hasn't gotten me nething yet.. not even a card or flowers... >< poor me..~~~
hm... someone's kinda dissappeared for a while... i wonder if he's bored already.. or just found sth better... it weird heh? guys...~~~ they dun last long... it's hard to find one who'll stay faithful to you for the rest of ur life...
Friday, June 18, 2004 ; 2:22 AMY
it's bn a long time since I've blogged... I missed u guys!!! hehe... I hope i didn't lose any dedicated fans in the process... hehe... but my comp has bn down, no idea what's happening with it... and I've finished placement... so these days it's hard to get my hands on a workable comp.. ><
It's bn abt a week... what's bn happening? well, I've finished placement and it was all so sad... the staff had a BIG farewell for me and I got the arvo off.. keke.. and funny enough Karen called me and was like "we've finished placement! yay!" haha... I knew someone was gonna do that on Friday night... keke... =)
Saturday was my bday.. and it was heaps gd.. haven't had such a gd time in yonks. Even though my boy and I had a lil hiccup during the day, we made up and it was all gd for the night... Dinner was awesome, there were 14 of us having an "all u can eat" hot pot.. haha... it was so funny.. =) and the guys bought me an ice cream cake and stuck two kinder buenos in there... keke, how CUTE!!!! I think that was the best bday pressie I've ever gotten... haha~~~ *yum*.. food~~~ and during dinner Zi gave me a lil surprise... and I guess that made the night even more memorable~^^ thanks boy~~
not much has bn happening these days... on STUVAC atm... but haven't even started studying yet. Just bn owkring heaps at Captain Cook... need $$$!!!! all the sales are on now... need to go shopping... desperately... haha~~~
the last couple of nights has bn weird... I've bn getting phone calls from random pplz and telling me random things. But it was nice though to catch up... like Gavin and Betty called and it was so gd talking to them and seeing what's happening in each other's life.. Then Mike and Zi called one night... had talks with both of them and felt SO much more better after telling them how I feel... *sigh*
Life's bn hectic... but I'm getting there... I just want my comp to be fixed... and to have all my essays and exams over and done with... then I'll be all smiles =)
Thursday, June 10, 2004 ; 1:11 PMY
HAPPY 22mths to my boy... if he remembered that is... *cough* I remember on Tuesday he called me when I was shopping with Karen and we were talking.. la la la.. and afterwards Karen was like "is that how u guys talk? so blunt!"... ha ha... yup, bn like that for a while now... u wouldn't think we're a couple... mmm... bit of a worry heh? -.-"
I saw Ainsley today.. for the last time.. how sad.. >< she's so cute... she's one of the Barnardos kids... and I also visited Sam and Amy.. whom I went to the Maritime Museum with last time.. they're so cute.. and they remembered me too! when I walked in their house they each gave me a BIG hug... so cute.. this is what makes social work enjoyable.. u know you have made a difference in their lives and they're grateful..~^^ placement has bn very rewarding and I hope my future career will be just as rewarding =)
pretty quiet night... nth much happening... wasn't gonna blog but I'm bored... haha..~~ gd night pplz.... *mua*
Wednesday, June 09, 2004 ; 1:25 PMY
today has bn one of the best days... at placement they had a lil party for the students cos it's our last wk at Barnardos. They even took photos and printed it off straight away and laminated it for us.. how cute =) I'll scan and put it up when I have time... along with my other placement photos... just wait up!
It was so busy at placement, I didn't have lunch till 3:30pm.. was so hungrrrrrry~~~~ was looking after two kids in the arvo for two hrs, had so much fun though. Before they left one of them gave me a big hug and said goodbye, how sweet~ it's funny how fast you can be a kid's best friend. And then after that I had to do two intake interviews, kinda like client assessments. One of them was with a woman in her late 40s, she was telling me more than I expected and ended up telling me her life history. And she even cried when she was talking abt losing her close relatives. It was a really gd interview and I felt such a sense of accomplishment, not bcos she cried, but bcos she felt comfortable opening up to me, when I always thought clients would always see me as "a lil girl". pplz reading this may think i'm stupid, but i know my social work buddies out there would understand =)
Was on icq later this arvo and was catching up with Ken W and Jason... had a really nice chat... except Ken was being... let's say, his usual self.. haha!!!
Been getting really sweet msgs lately... thanQ so much! (u know who u are^^... i think a number of you out there do too.. *cough*)feel like i'm bk in high school, get all hyped up when I hear *beep beep*.. kaka..~! and the one I got when i was on my way home was a crack up, it kept me amused all the way home...
Talked on the phone for a while tonight... and then went to zzz straight away, as for some reason, my mind felt at ease...~~~***
Tuesday, June 08, 2004 ; 12:31 PMY
went to the tute this arvo, and as usual we all had heaps of fun... so sad that it was our last tute... I was so comfortable there... loved the class and the peoplez in it... so sad to see it end... but like we learnt, there's a beginning, middle and an end for all groups.
After class Karen took me to a noodle place at the Strand for lunch.. it was so yummy... we ate and talked heaps... I have never had such a heart to heart talk with her before... not like this one... and it was all so natural and comfortable.. I guess we have grew closer over the time we've known each other, which is nice to know =) Told her abt my life and what's bn happening.. and the dilemmas, all the sadness... she was telling me how she relates to Michelle, this Character in a TV drama... and I was telling her how I can relate to Elaine... Elaine's a very successful girl, she's got her own career and is the kind of person that's bn very lucky throughout her life. She's bn together with her boy for 10yrs, and when they were abt to get married, she backed out... bcos she knew she wasn't the one that her boy wants, and she wasn't his first priority.. I know this is all TV but, man she's brave... breaking up after 10yrs of being in a relationship... but yeh, Karen and I was just talking abt the characters.. =) hehe... such girls heh?! ^o^"
Then we started talking abt Sailormoon.. cos Zi msged me... it's amazing how sometimes I mention sth once, and pplz just remember it... like, it's nice to know that pplz care abt you =)
Karen and I did some shopping then we spent like 15mins trying to stand somewhere where we can see the sun as we were hoping to see the transit of Venus... but of course we couldn't see it with the naked eye as Venus is too small... but there were so many pplz (mostly girls) looking out for it as well... this old guy walked past and saw all of us looking at the sky so he looked too... but he didn't know what we were looking at... haha... so funny~^^
Got home and I got a bday present from my lil cousin!!! she sent it from HK... so cute... so happy she remembered my bday.. mind you she's only 10yrs old... keke..
Called Jean tonight... James was at her place... -.-" those two suck..! gggrrr... stooopid Jean... *sigh* newayz... heard the cheeky smile she had when she picked up said "helllllo...". haha..~~ silly... talked for a while... then Zi called... =) it was nice talking to him.. hehe.. poor boy.. had to walk home cos he missed his stop cos he was zzz on the bus... haha...
Called boy at 9:20pm... he didn't call me bk till 9:55pm... I was zzz by then... but I still picked up and spoke like 5mins with him... I dunno if he understands why I get so upset... like, what use is a phone when you dun even pick it up when someone calls you? what if it was an emergency? when we first met, if I kept calling him and he'd have like a couple of miss calls he'd be so stressed out thinking that sth awful has happened to me... but now, who cares if I died.. *sob* newayz... and he knows that I zzz early at 9:30pm... when you know someone is gonna call you at that time won't you keep an ear out... you can always take the call and then go bk to ur TV or PS... geez..~~~
Monday, June 07, 2004 ; 12:45 PMY
Mondays... love Mondays... I always manage to get up in time for my 9am lecture.. thanks to the motivation of my friends... just the thought of knowing that everyone would be @ uni on Mondays makes me wanna go... keke.. =) But yeh... surprise surprise I got to the lecture and Winnie, Wendy, Raph and Jeff were there!!! And it was only 8:55am..!!! early and present at uni? that's a first... haha~^^
I left after the lecture and headed to Macq uni to catch up with Jean, Leesha and Zi..~~~ but poor Zi had an exam that arvo so Jean and Leesha took me to eat their famous wedges.. hehe... =) *yum* Went to Macq Centre and walked around... sat down and talked for a while.. it was nice talking to them... although most of the things they said was.. mebbe not what I wanted to hear... or mebbe that I knew ages ago but denied.. mm... dunno... aiyayaya~~~ Then later on Leesha went to her classes and Jean and I went to uni and talked more... it was nice having that one on one chat as we haven't done that for soooo long... Then at 5pm we met up with Zi and we all went to Penno Station... The girls met up with Muki while I went and got my car and went home for dinner.. and Zi walked me to my car as well.. Thanz dude! =)
Boy kinda dissappeared today... he called me @ 6:30pm and I was not that happy.. he asked me what was wrong and I said "oh no, just trying to remember who you are.. haven't heard from you for a while" and then at the end of the conver he goes "gonna shower, have dinner, play PS then zzz... I'll call you when I have time" and I just went "yeh, fit me in wherever you can" and he just went "well, if you have to think like that I can't help it" and we hanged up on a bad note once again... :><: he doesn't bother cheering me up anymore.. when I make assumptions (that's not true) he always just goes, whatever, he never bothers to correct me anymore... and most of the time that's all I wanna hear... I called him at 9:30pm cos I was kinda sick and tired... but he didn't pick up... so I went to zzz... then he decided to call me bk at 10:20pm. why does he always do this....? he knows I zzz at what time... or mebbe he's just avoiding my phone calls... I always wanna tell him things.. share things with him... but it's a bit pointless when I'm passed out zzz.... ppppfff...~~~
Sunday, June 06, 2004 ; 1:26 PMY
today was so fun...!!! Had a heaps gd day at work today =) Lots of pplz were working, including my manager (whom doesn't usually work Sundays but bcos SALE is coming up she had to come in today). It was so funny, Shaminie was losing her voice and we kept pissing her off so she'd scream at us.. haha, sounded so funny!!!^^ And Brian was bludging the whole day, took like 20mins to do a rubbish run, 30mins to buy ciggies, and 20mins at the toilet... meanwhile, he came bk with a Boost Juice in his hand when he came bk from the rubbish run... haha... what a loser!!! keke... but yeh, our manager Jess is cool...! I haven't worked with her for sooooo long, cos I only work Sundays. But at the end of the day she was saying how she's never worked with me, and I asked her if she liked me, and she goes yeh! you're a great worker!!! haha.. as if she was going to say she hated me to my face.. kaka..~~~ but it was a real compliment cos I always thought she hated me cos she didn't employ me, our ex-manager did (whom she hated). But yeh, it's all cool bananas!!! =p
had vball from 5:30pm till 10pm.. man, four and a half hrs.. my uni vball frenz are crazy... I got home and I was SO hungry... but was too tired to eat so I just showered, had some biscuits and then zzzz... *oink*.. ('oo') haha...
JEANNIE~~~~ no way, ur no asshole, i was mean... sowwie baby.. *sob* but I love yoooooooooo!!! and thanx for the post, as if u know nething.. (*cough* i think..) you half passed out when most of us were outside in the freezing cold cos we didn't wanna disturb you and James...!!! man... see what gd friends we are... wahahaha!!!
Saturday, June 05, 2004 ; 9:25 AMY
didn't get home till 3:15am this morning.. was at Jean's 21st party @ her house. haven't gone out for so long... had a really gd night at Jean's.. it was nice spending time with friends... I'm kinda glad that Bill didn't come... cos I knew he would've just sat in a corner... ~-.-"
newayz.. it was an interesting night.. lotsa laughs.. everyone was hypo.. but since I didn't drink I was sober and got to witness the stupidity.. keke... and... i dunno... felt something special... dun wanna say too much cos I know James, Jean and Jims reads this blog.. haha.. was so shocked when Jims started telling me my life story, then later I found out he reads my blog too..! hehe... feel so special... secret fans club goin on.. keke.. thanx guys =) newayz... yeh... sth happened.. inside me... but i dunno abt the other person involved... I dunno if that's the way he is or he felt sth too... mmm... newayz... shall stop here... hehe... =) I shall figure things out myself... =) and after Jims giving me a lecture abt me being slack to Bill and how guys never show their emotions.. blah blah blah... I have sth to think abt too... *sigh* but really... after I left I was thinking so much abt things.. and I got a msg and it just put a smile to my face.. am I changing...? ><
newayz... thanx for a great night Jeannie... I hope u had lotsa fun too...~^^ Love ya heaps baby!!!!
went to Hornsby to watch Day After Tomorrow... pretty gd... =) shopped around... bought some Barbie toys and accessories for my babysitting gurls..~^^ bought some lollies for placement... hehe... exciting heh?!
Friday, June 04, 2004 ; 2:34 AMY
HAPPY 21st JEAN!!!! hehe... you're old.. haha!!!
Thanx Lawrence for ur post... have to admit, it made me smile when I read it.. esp the last part... haha... it's like you're telling me sth that I once told u.. hehe.. it's funny... cos we never see each other but somehow we became "related"... and it's not weird at all... well, not when I talk to him online.. =) But I'm glad I have Lawrence as a sai lo... cos he's so outgoing and full of energy, it's contageous! =)
Bill called this morning, we talked for 2mins... he told me he wasn't coming to Jean's 21st pt tonight cos he's gotta have dinner with his family.. and he told me he could come out tmr arvo but has no car... well, thanx for telling me NOW! stuff tmr... I can't get the car now cos he told me so late, guess we'll either have to catch the train somewhere or just scrap the idea of seeng each other.
And I can't believe he's not coming to my best friend's 21st.. talk abt anti-social. I'm gonna be such a nigel tonight, everyone's in pairs.. I'll just sit in a corner and cry... *sob* I'll do my speech then just sulk... yah, great plan SandY!!! oh wellz, who needs guys... can still have a gd time... mebbe I'll pretend I'm single tonight... pick up some lucky guy on the streets.. haha!!!!
Sandy's perfect match is... the romantic guy!
Just when you think this guy can't get any sweeter or more thoughtful, he surprises you all over again. He has old-fashioned morals and treats you like you deserve to be treated. He enjoys hanging out with his mates but he still takes into consideration what you want or need. If you love a guy who sends flowers or poetic emails, romantic guy is your perfect match.
Thursday, June 03, 2004 ; 1:13 PMY
had a heaps gd day at work... these two lil girls drew me pictures, and now they're on my bedroom wall... I love my bedroom wall now, it's like a lil girl's room... I've got drawing and art stuff all over it.. ever since I started at Barnardos children have given me lots of drawings, same with my babysitting kids... so I display them all on my wall... hehe. =) it puts a smile on my face every time I see them.
i took teddy on a trip today =) Bill gave me a lil Tatty Teddy with a letter "S" a couple fo weeks ago... when we had that "break"... he said it stood for "sorry" and "Sandy"..~^^ hehe... it's so kyoooooooote! I took it with me to Penrith today, I think he enjoyed the train ride as I was hugging it to zzz... hehe. Since Bill hasn't had time for me I thought I'd find comfort in the bear. I always smile when I look at the bear cos it was the first time he tried cheering me up when I was upset (cos he knew he was WRONG!!!). so yeh... the bear's bn my compnaion... =) might take him to work again tmr..! =)
got home and was so hungry... dunno why... I had lunch.. mebbe I'm going through another growth spurt... haha... I WISH!!! =P
Still dunno what's happening this weekend.... Bill hasn't said nething.. stupid disorganised pplz... gggrrr... mebbe he'll tell me he needs another break.. mmm... is there really a point? aiyayayaya....
Wednesday, June 02, 2004 ; 1:10 PMY
feeling so sad these days... hate it when things are constantly changing.. whatever happened to stability?!?! kinda feeling like my sai lo atm... mebbe some things are better left unsaid... dunno... but yeh, i should study too.. =)
I always wanted to find someone that would really really really really really... love me~ would treat me like a princess... u know, like those Mr.Perfects that you see on TV... hehe.. bit unrealistic heh? but a girl can dream~*
I think I still haven't found him yet. Well, not the one I wish to spend the rest of my life with anyway... weird heh? yes... having doubts abt my relationship again... Sandy is indecisive once again....
I just hate holding my phone everyday, not wanting to miss his calls, only to feel dissappointment in the end cos he doesn't call me anymore. He use to call me before he went to work, during lunch break, after work b4 he goes home, then when he gets home, after dinner, then b4 he goes to bed.... but now I'm lucky to get a phone call from him before he sleeps. :><: sad heh? how did things ever get so boring... it's like a chore for him to talk to me, or even to go out with me... *sigh* no idea what's happening...~~~
MikeMike once told me when you're with a person for too long, the love dies and you're just together out of convenience.. starting to feel that now.. and he also said that a relationship needs constant nourishing and new things to stimulate it's spark again. Bit hard when he doesn't acknowledge me, and when he does he always goes "have so much work to do, system at work is so slow"... then end of conversation, and he goes into his own lil world.
Are all long term relationships like that? does it just get so routine that there's no more happiness? I thought we were going really good... it's been 22mths and we still have our laughs and silly moments.. mebbe that's dying though... now I see why pplz break up when they've gone out for a loooong time..
I have no more faith anymore... i miss single life... mebbe I should just do what i wanna do... yeh? gd idea? mebbe... mmm...~~~
Left broken, empty in despair
wanna breathe can't find air
thought you were sent from up above
but you 'n me never had love
so much more i have to say
help me find a way
Why do you play me like a game
always someone else to blame
careless helpless little man
some day i might understand
there's not much more to say
but i hope you find a way
And i wonder if you know
how it really feels
to be left outside alone
when it's cold out here
well maybe you should know
just how it feels
to be left outside alone
I tell ya all of my life i been waiting
for you to bring a fairy tale my way
you're living in a fantasy without meaning
It's not ok I don't feel safe
I need to pray
Tuesday, June 01, 2004 ; 12:47 PMY
welcome to WINTER!!! even though it's bn like Winter for the last couple of wks.. keke...
cool day... went to tut at 11am... did a photo language exercise.. very interesting =) can't believe our tutor/lecturer is retiring, she's so GOOD!!! so sad... lucky us, we get to have her last... hehe. Just got in on time... haha!!! so yeh, after tute Karen and I caught the bus to Central and we went to Market City for lunch... it was so yummy... haven't bn to that place for lunch for so long, use to always go with Billy...~^^ newayz, after lunch me and Karen went shopping!!! I scored myself a new pair of ear rings and a belt... both from Sportsgirl! hehe... yay!!! it was nice walking around with Karen, we talked heaps.. and I got to know her better and her style and what kinda stuff she likes... hehe.
Karen left at abt 3:30pm and I went to get a haircut (u can't tell that it's bn cut cos i didn't let the hairdresser chop too much off... haha!!!).. the girl was so nice, and she gave me a really long shampoo/conditioning.. kept on masaging my head.. so comfy... hehe... like being pampered with..^^
met Muki at Star Bar... but before when I was waiting for her at the front, Ivan walked past!!! the cute guy that i always perve on at HK Cafe (Carlingford)... hehe. And he was with his girlfriend... oooooohhh.... so heartbroken now... *sob*... hai~~~ can't dream no more now... we could've bn so beautiful.. haha~!!!!!!!!!!! I told my boy tonight and he was comforting me... hehe... so funny...!!! he was going on abt how I still have a chance, they're not married yet... blah blah blah... haha... he's so funny.... who bloody tells their gf not to give up on another guy... haha!!!! oh well.. it's all fun and games... =)
newyayz... talked to Muki for a bit, then Leesha and Tzi came along... met Tzi for the first time and I really like him... very outgoing playful kinda person... like those kinda pplz... felt comfortable around him as soon as he sat down.. =) and guess what pplz?!?!?! I beat Leesha in pool!!! woooohooooo~~~ how did that happen? well, fluke I guess... haha.. anyone that knows me knows that I cannot play and so many pplz have given up on teaching me cos I'm so hopeless... haha~~~ but yeh... it was funny tonight... keke... =) had a really nice talk with Leesha abt boys as well... i dunno... it's nice having someone just sitting down and actually talking to you.. and listening as well... =) thanks LEESHA!!!!
got home and went straight to bed.. talked to my boy for a while.. but he was being stupid and mean... so let's just leave it at THAT!!! mmmmmmmm......
Sandy's... Emotional Upkeep
You like being a top priority in your partner's life, but you also respect his/her independence — good for you! Sure, it's important for you to feel valued and appreciated in your relationship, but your expectations for your significant other tend to be realistic and attainable. You definitely know how you want to be treated, but you don't think the only fulfilling relationship is one filled with constant doting.
Does this mean I've bn reasonable all along..?! hm... *think think*
